I’m a YouTuber now?

Hi, it’s me again. You probably forgot I existed since it’s been a little while since I made a post. To be completely honest, I have been so uninspired and unmotivated when it has come to my blog this year. I’ve had a real lack of ideas and writing posts became to feel like more of a chore than a hobby. I would get annoyed at myself for not having a post up that week, even though I knew I had to prioritise other things and then felt like I was forcing myself to write posts that I wouldn’t even read myself. With that being said, I seemed to just stop uploading altogether for a while.

While I’m still not feeling re-inspired about the idea of writing blog posts again just yet, I have recently found a new passion that I am so incredibly excited about… YouTube.

I have grown up watching YouTube, starting to really get into it at the age of thirteen and being completely obsessed with it since and to this very day. Myself and one of my best friends have spoke so many times since then about YouTube and how great making videos would be since that day but I feel like it is an almost controversial thing to do. I’ve never really liked putting myself out there, so as much as I’d wanted to make videos, the though of people that I knew (and people I didn’t know) watching them and laughing at me because they thought it was stupid terrified me into thinking it was a stupid idea altogether. 

But, I guess since then I’ve gained a little more confidence and started to care a little less about what people think. 

Earlier in the year, I did a module at university that involved me making a few short YouTube videos and that was when I realised how much I enjoyed the whole filming, editing and uploading process. I loved nothing more than uploading the video and receiving feedback from other people and I think thats when I realised that I wanted to create more videos, but this time ones that were more personal to me.

The first video I posted on my channel was a montage of my trip to Disneyland Paris with my two best friends back in June. Before we set off for Paris, I’d planned to film as much as I could so that I could make a video out of it. As soon as I’d got home and unpacked, I got set on editing my video and had so much fun during the whole process. While I knew it wasn’t the highest quality video or the most creative one, I was so proud of the little memory I’d created and was so excited to share it. 

The first two videos I put up on my channel were my little babies and I loved and I knew I wanted to make more however the nerves of putting myself on YouTube came over me a little again and I was reluctant to do it. After speaking to a friend at university, after discovering we both have YouTube channels, I realised how normal it is to make YouTube videos now since so many people do it and how every other youtube also probably worried at one point about what people would think, but that hasn’t stopped them from doing it.

A couple of weeks back, I posted an Autumn Lookbook which was a video I’d had in mind for a while, since I’m still not 100% comfortable talking to a camera. It took two whole days to film, despite only being a three minute vid, but it was so worth it. While editing the footage, I found myself laughing so hard at some of the stupid clips of me falling over and saying stupid things – just being typical Emily to be honest. I decided to make a bonus bloopers video, combining all of the outtakes so people could have a good laugh at me (or hopefully with me) and see that I’m not quite as posey and narcissistic as my lookbook made me out to be. 

Since then, my head has constantly been whirling with ideas for other videos, some of which will hopefully be coming up towards the end of the year – thats if I don’t end up being a little bitch and getting too nervous to do it. For the first time in a long time, I’ve found something that I genuinely love to do and that makes me feel motivated. I’m always so inspired by the work of other creators and in awe of all the incredible things they’re doing because of YouTube. While I’m nowhere near their level yet, a tiny part of me wants to admit that some day I hope to be – although I still almost tear up with every single view I gain on a video.

As for blogging, I’m not giving up on it. I’ll still be here but I guess my posts will be a little less frequent until I regain my motivation. I don’t want to pressure myself into forcing out blog posts, but instead just put one out when I feel like it or feel passionately about the subject. 

While I wouldn’t quite class myself as a ‘YouTuber’ yet, it’s a title I definitely wouldn’t be ashamed of adopting in the future. I’m just not embarrassed by the idea anymore. If you wanted to, I’d love nothing more than for you to subscribe to my channel and maybe check out the few videos that I have uploaded already. I hope you enjoy watching them as much as I enjoyed making them.

Thanks for reading,

Emily X

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